Karin

We're wrapping up our team Taka series with the one and only Karin! We'll get into the deep and dirty details about her, Cookie Monster Sweatpants, and Kool-Aid!

Transcript can be found here: https://tildeathdousnart.buzzsprout.com/

A big thank you to Bullmoose for letting us use their song "Drunk Punch Man" as our theme music!

If you enjoyed the show please consider donating to our Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/tddun

Transcript

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Alyssa (Intro): Seriousness and children should be left at the door. Very little of what our hosts are about to say is factual but will be crass. This is… Til Death Do us Nart.

[Drunk Punch Man by Bullmoose plays]

Sarah: Welcome to Til Death Do Us Nart! Somebody else do the intro, I don’t do this.

Alena: Welcome to Til Death Do Us Nart, its a character analysis and lifestyle podcast. Yeah. WHat kind of lifestyle are we promoting? I dunno…

Sarah: Not one I’d follow if given the choice.

Alena: Probably not one you’d want your children to partake in!

Alyssa: I think it depends on the Naruto character-- I think we are, um-- promoting the lifestyles of specific Naruto characters--

Alena: We shouldn’t.

Sarah: We shouldn’t. Half of those lifestyles are being dead, honestly.

Alena: Half the lifestyles are being dead, the other half is being a war criminal. 

Sarah: Hoo HOOO-- hoohoohoo--

Alyssa: Either way, I think that this week we are promoting Karin’s lifestyle-- we really shouldn’t. 

Sarah: We really shouldn’t. Here’s the thing, I love Karin, but ohhhhhh. Oh. 

Alena: Sweetie.

Sarah: Sweetie… we should get started. Cause I have a lot to say about Karin, and most of it is good, but this is a comedy podcast so i do have to make fun of her a little bit. And I feel assured in the fact that she at least deserves it a little bit. You know what I mean?

Alena: Oh yeah. She can-- take it.

Sarah: She can take it. Now, Alyssa, I know we usually start off with a fact from you, and we are going to do that, but I have to present one just to get it out of my fucking brain before we get started. Do I have permission?

Alyssa: Go on.

Sarah: Karin, despite how much I love her, has the energy of the Cookie Monster sweatpants girl we all knew in highschool. 

Alyssa: [laughing]

Alena: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 

Sarah: [laughing]

Alena: Listen, when Orochimaru was like, “Okay kids, run laps around the track” she was like, “I’ll be walking. Thanks.”

Sarah: [nuclear blast of laughter]

Alena: She didn’t bring a change of shoes, she’s wearing flip flops.

Sarah: Yeah, no. She’s-- she’s that bitch. 

Alena: But you know what? If that same gym teacher tried to start shit with you over like--

Alyssa: Not doing shit?

Alena: -- You’re not feeling well and the gym teacher’s like, “Pick up the pace!” Karin will be the first one to be like, “She doesn’t have to!”

Sarah: Exactly. Karin will like-- well she doesn’t do this a lot in canon or anything, but Karin will stand by you in gym class. Over gym class, of course she will.

Alena: Well here’s the thing-- she’ll stand by you but only in gym class.

Alyssa: Who was the one friend that was in JROTC, or whatever the acronym is--

Sarah: Uh-- yeah--

Alena: Who said-- gynecomastia? [laughing]

Sarah: Yeah-- um, god I really hope she never listens to this podcast. I love her so much, she’s a dear friend of mine. We aren’t super close anymore, but she does provide me with most of the funny shit that happened to me in early high school. One of my friends, would come up with the new excuse so she could get out of PT--

Alyssa: [laughing]

Sarah: And she did tell Lt. Colonel that she did suffer from gynecomastia. And for those of you who don’t know what that is, that does mean breast growth. Abnormal breast growth. And he just looked at her and was like, “Okay, Miss. You don’t have to run today.” He was really tired. I don’t feel bad for him.

Alena: Karin walks up to Orochimaru and is like, “I can’t run today, I have gynecomastia.” And Orochimaru, an entire doctor, is like, “.... Alright. Go on.”

Sarah: “Alright, sweetie. Go on.” [laughing] Oh my god. Like yeah, yeah I think this is really well established. But you know what, I always hung out with that girl. With that archetype of girl in highschool. They were fun. They were always really sweet girls, they’d stick up for you.

Alena: Oh yeah, they were never mean.

Sarah: They’d grow up and be super cool. I love them, yeah none of them were ever mean, they were really nice. Um. Hm. Okay Alyssa. Now that I’ve gotten us off to a roaring start kind of on accident, what’s your first fact about Miss Karin?

Alyssa: She’s a mess. 

Sarah: She is a mess. Oh god, she is a mess.

Alyssa: Isn’t she obsessed with [CENSORED] too?

Sarah: Man… yeah

Alena: Yeah…

Sarah: We just got-- you’re right. You’re doing this the right way. We gotta get the rough one out of the way. 

Alena: Gotta get the rough one out of the way

Sarah: The rough one out of the way. Is that she has the unfortunate trait of liking [CENSORED] a little too much. And also the doubly unfortunate trait of him sadly being her main character motivation. 

Alena: Yeah

Sarah: Which I like to call--

Alena: Which all things considered,nis interesting, because Karin as a person is extremely like… she’s one of those people who exists on a  hair-trigger of getting her to do something. Like you don't have to do a whole like to get her to jump up and kick someone’s ass, so it's like… Okay what does [CENSORED] have?

Alyssa: Nothing

Sarah: Exactly. What does he have?

Alena: Really, like what does he have? What is he bringing to the table?

Alyssa: Absolutely nothing. 

Sarah: Nothing. He stabs her with no hesitation once and leaves her for dead.

Alena: Exactly.

Sarah: And-- you know what though? You know what? She was pissed about it for a while, and then for no reason that I can remember, other than that he vaguely apologized, she just forgot about it and forgave him and I’m like, “Oh… oh honey…”

Alena: Like alright.

Sarah: Alright.

Alena: I guess you can look at it like she’s like, “Well, my situation kinda blows. I can tolerate Jugo and Suigetsu. [CENSORED] has a cute but and I really wanna get outta here, so… yeah I’ll come along.”

Sarah: Yeah. God.

Alena: I feel like there was some of that energy going on.

Sarah: I feel like there was a lot of that energy, and--

Alyssa: I’m sorry-- 

Sarah: Okay, okay--

Alyssa: [CENSORED]’s ass is the flattest thing on the planet.

Alena: Oh yeah, no, I’m not saying she was right--

Sarah: I’m saying--

Alena: I’m saying that’s what her thought process was.

Sarah: That’s definitely what her thought process was. And here's the thing-- let me… let me propose something to you. In-- if for some reason-- and, god… For once in my life I will act like Karin is not a lesbian--

Alyssa: [laughing]

Alena: True, that’s true

Sarah:-- because we are talking abou Naruto canon here, but Karin, one-- my fix-it of Naruto is that Karin is a lesbian. I don’t know why… god, okay I can’t get into this--

Alyssa: Karin and Ino.

Alena: Listen, there’s an energy. You Know. 

Sarah: There’s an energy.But here’s the thing here’s the thing. Taking the fact that she is sadly not a lesbian, we have to look at her options here for dating choices. She’s like a sixteen-seventeen year old girl, sadly this is something she must consider in her social group. Her other choices are Suigetsu, who eats cocaine and yogurt.

Alena: Yeah, no.

Sarah: Flat no.

Alena: Listen, he’s fun, he’s fun. She’ll admit it, he’s fun. Flat no. 

Sarah: Flat no.

Alyssa: Okay, lemme just stop you right here, because are you implying that Jugo is not a better option than [CENSORED].

Sarah: Jugo’s gay.

 Alena: Jugo’s gay.

Sarah: Jugo’s gay!

Alyssa: Okay fair enough.

Sarah: Yeah, no, Jugo’s gay. Otherwise Jugo’s a good choice . Jugo’s gay. I know this is the timeline where Karin is sadly not a lesbian, but--

Alena: In every timeline Jugo’s gay.

Sarah: Yeah. yeah and also even if Jugo wasn’t gay, he won’t date her, like he-- he won’t date her. I love her but he won’t.

Alena: I feel like she’s prone to-- I feel like she’s too quick to anger and violence, and while of course that is a schtick with Jugo, he does not like that kind of behavior by choice, and I think it would make him uncomfortable.  

Sarah: Yeah, and she doesn’t want him to be uncomfortable.

Alena: Oh exactly, exactly. Because Jugo would have to sit her down and be like, “It makes me really upset when you yell at people in front of me all of the time. And that’s not a curse mark thing, you’re just like that. And I feel mean for telling you that.” And she’d be like, “I’m going to kick your ass but I’m also sorry.”

Alyssa: Okay, that brings us to something-- I propose this to you. That Karin is a lesbian. 

Sarah: Oh? Okay.

Alyssa: Jugo is gay and they are eachother’s Beards.

Sarah: ...Shit. Shit, wait-- no no no-- Shit. Here’s the thing, I think Karin and Suigetsu have more of that energy, though, I will say that. But maybe that’s just me. But look, Alyssa, you’re absolutely fuckin right, but I don’t think Jugo… I don’t think Jugo---

Alyssa: [wheeze]

 Sarah: Would Jugo have a Beard? Cause Suigetsu seems like--

Alena: I don’t think he needs one.

Sarah: Well Suigetsu’s probably-- yeah.

Alena: I don’t think that he’d try to hide it. Now Suigetsu also for sure does not try to hide that he is not straight. However…

Alyssa: [laughing]

Alena: He does like to tell people that Karin is his wife, because she hates it. 

Sarah: Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely. You are-- yeah. Yeah, she hates it. They’ll be in like, the fucking Ninja Publix. And he’ll walk up and be like, he’ll walk up and he’s wearin’ his little slides, and so he makes a little damp noise every time he’s like-- [imitates damp noises]

Alyssa: Wait, wait-- Are you implying that there are in fact Publix in the Naruto universe too?

Sarah: Yeah, it’s just--

Alena: Well, Yeah, Alyssa where do you think we got the idea from?

Sarah: Yeah, just Ninja Publix. It’s like in Episode 462-B.

Alyssa: [laughing] So this is just like that time--

Alena: It’s the Supermarket Hidden in the Sales.

Sarah: Yeah, Supermarket Hidden in the-- [CACKLING]

Alyssa: So this is like that one time my uncle asked my brother-- my uncle was very drunk at the time. Didn’t know what he was talking about.-- Asked my brother what he was going to do when there was no Publix around, and next morning, we’re getting out of our hotel room. And we see the cleaning lady’s cart, and there is in fact a Publix bag hanging from it. 

Sarah: There’s a Publix around somewhere. The moral of that story is that there’s always a Publix around, and this time it’s the Ninja Publix in the Naruto World. The Supermarket Hidden in the Sales. Naruto Ninja Publix. So in the Ninja Publix-- Karin, Jugo and Suigetsu are all at the Ninja Publix. [CENSORED] never comes on grocery runs because he’s that roommate, it’s awful.

Alena: Yeah, no, he never does.  

Sarah: He does give money.

Alena: Okay, you know what else he does? It’s not even that he doesn’t come along. He drives and then waits in the car. 

Alyssa: [laughing]

Sarah: Yeah, he’ll drive. He’ll be like, “Do I have to go in?” And everyone’s like, “I mean, I guess not, You’re the one who drove us here, you’re the only one with a car. But… it’d be nice if you came in.” He’s like, “Okay, yeah. No. Get the fuck outta my car.” And as soon as the doors close he locks them all out of the car, and immediately loud drum and bass music starts blasting through the--

Alena: [laughing]

Sarah: And then later in the store, they’re in the chip aisle, Suigetsu has disappeared so Jugo and Karin are just chillin’ there--

Alena: Jugo and Karin are waiting on ordering their Publix subs.  

Sarah: Oh, shit yeah, they’re waiting on their subs, and Suigetsu approaches in his little wet slides, that are somehow always wet--

Alena: Oh yeah, constantly wet. They’re always wet, like he just stepped out of a  pool--

Alyssa: Eughh…

Sarah: They don’t know fucking how. And there’s just a little [imitates damp noises again]--

Alyssa: Eww!

Sarah: Slippery noise--

Alyssa: --That is the nastiest--

Sarah: --as he approaches, and he gently takes Karin by the elbow and he’s like, “Hey honey, what kinda sub are you getting?” And she just smacks the shit out of him in the middle of Publix. 

Alena: [laughing] He’s like, “Do you wanna split a Genoa salami Italian like we always do?” and she just hauls off and smacks him. 

Sarah: Just whole-heartedly, no dialogue, just smacks the shit out of him in the Publix Subway waiting line. 

Alena: Jugo sees this happen and immediately shuffled off because it makes him uncomfortable and goes and gets his free cookie at the bakery. 

Sarah: [cackling]

Alena: Usually it's just for the kids, but the Publix lady at the bakery knows him and always gives him a free sugar cookie. 

Sarah: Aww. Hey, I like this, this is the good college town Naruto AU I’ve always wanted. 

Alena: This is the good timeline.

Sarah: Okay. Um, not to bring up milking, but--

Alena: Ha--??

Sarah: --have we milked this one dry?

Alena: Eugh! 

Alena: [laughing]

Sarah: You can cut that if you want--

Alyssa: I will! I will cut that!

Sarah: [laughing]

Alena: No, I think we should make Sarah sit in it.

Sarah: [cackling]

Alena: I think we should really let her marinate in that one. 

Sarah: Every day you unleash me-- oh, sorry, not every day. We don’t record this every day. Every week, you unleash me upon the village of your ears for this podcast like a fucking dragon, and I just swoop down and say something awful to you. And instead of sending me something like treasure or a virgin to spurn me off, you just let me show up every week and say whatever I want.

Alyssa: Hey, I’m going to mute you.

Sarah: What are you gonna do? SEND ME A VIRGIN. SEND ME A VIRGIN.

Alyssa: Absolutely fucking not.

Sarah: Okay, fine. Alright. Whose turn for a fact is it now?

Alyssa: I think it’s--

Sarah: Alena?

Alyssa: Yeah, I was about to say, I think Alena’s the only one who hasn’t given one so far.

Sarah: Alena, what’s your fact?

Alena: My favorite fact about Karin is.. The method by which she heals people… And she is a little healing lady, because of course Naruto as a series seems to be unable to make a woman that does not have some sort of healing characteristic. Now I will say, there are exceptions to this rule, but they usually spend a period of time in the Naruto canon being viewed as villains or as uncertain-alliance characters? Like you’re quite sure where to stand on them? But most of the women who are kind of like hey, these are buddies, they’re healing. 

Sarah: Yeah, TenTen is literally the only exception to this and she does have a canonical reason. They could have made a character arc out of it, but HaHa! TenTen’s character arc?  Who ever heard of that?

Alena: Yeah… 

Sarah: Okay, back to Karin, back to Karin-- god, I’m sorry, I got us down a bad rabbit hole

Alena: No, you’re fine. The way that she does heal people-- which I will say, even though she kinda fits into the stereotypical lady-healer archetype of many Naruto ladies-- she does add a fun little twist to it in that you do gotta just kinda chomp on her like a cob of corn.

Sarah: Yeah.

Alena: To make anything happen. And I’m not sure about the science of that, but um.. I mean, points to her for having that ability.

Sarah: Yeah, I think it’s a fun one. Ugh, god I really don’t wanna bring down the mood right now, but--

Alena: No, go ahead. That what this podcast is all about-- [laughing]

Sarah: So-- Every time I think about that ability and how it is really neat, I do remember that canonically, Karin’s life situation previous to when she joined up, or rather, was dragged into the Orochimaru executive team was um… She was in some kinda village post-war, and her and her mother  were the last two Uzumakis in that area. Someone will probably eventually find this--

Alena: Oh yeah, she’s an Uzumaki!

Sarah: yeah, She’s an Uzumaki.

Alena: You can tell by her hair.

Sarah: Yeah, I’m not referencing any of this, I’m just going by memory, so if you’re sitting here listening to this episode full of the information that I desperately need and just cannot recall, I am so sorry to you in this moment. I can’t do this for you. I can’t go to the Naruto Wiki and reread Karin’s sad backstory. But essentially all you need to know is that this village that her and her mother were living in essentially violently exploited her and her mother by using this healing method against them. Because that healing method can be used against your will if somebody bites you. And her mother was essentially used in this way until she died of chakra exhaustion. And then they moved on to Karin until she escaped. And uh… it essentially was used as a symbol of her physical abuse throughout her early life, and I think about that a lot. So… not to get serious again but hey… Kishimoto? How did you make a narrative about a girl who has very little independent control of her body, and had to watch her mother suffer through the loss of that control and ability to the point where her own body is commodified against her for the greater good of her community and without her permission… and um.. How do you take that and then make the character not progressive at all?? I'm just so stressed out by that. 

Alena: There’s so much there. There’s so much there.

Sarah: There’s so much there. And i’m sorry if I sounded really stressed in the middle of that, when I was saying that last bit, and bathroom shelf fell over in the next room and scared the piss out of me

Alena: Oh no.

Sarah: And I almost screamed but I managed to reel it in. I’m so sorry-

Alena: [laughing] You were able to keep it together--

Sarah: Somebody take the wheel, I gotta go. I gotta take a breath. Sorry I didn’t-- yeah no. Hooo-ooo. Okay, Alena, I’m giving you abc the wheel, this is your fact, and I didn’t mean to jump on it for you. I just wanted to give me fact.

Alena: You’re fine. No yeah, thank you for contextualizing my fact, because as we make funny hee-haw jokes it’s important to recognize the really deep narrative that was not fully explored. So, I guess what I want to know from my fact is that.. How exactly that sort of healing ability works. And of course, because this is Til Death Do Us Nart I want only true and factual answers. So, It’s gotta be… like, is it a skin thing? Is it a blood thing? 

Sarah: My brain wants to spit out the phrase, “Her---” [wheeze]

Alena: Go ahead.

Sarah: My brain wants to spit out the phrase, “Her blood is Kool-Aid” really, really bad.

Alena: Yeah, no no no no nononono yeah yeah yeahh--

Sarah: But I know that’s nothing. 

Alena: Nonononononoo-- no no nono--

Sarah: Are you sure?

Alena: Nono no-- I think that’s you’ve brought up a very, very good possibility here. Because as we all know; Kool-Aid, Gatorade, Lemonade, any drink ending in “Aid”--

Sarah: It helps! It aids.

Alena: Yeah! It helps! First Aid. That’s what I’m talking about. So--

Alyssa: I have to go right now. 

Sarah: First aid, Gatorade, in the shade.

Alena: First aid, Gatorade, in the shade, lemonade--

Sarah: Lemonade… I dunno where this is going, but I like it. 

Alena: Exactly.

Sarah: … Miss Karin should get paid.

Alena: Miss Karin should get paid… more than-- well I know Orochimaru doesn’t pay the--

Alyssa: Well it’s not [CENSORED], you think [CENSORED] has money?

Sarah: No [CENSORED]

Alena: No, we established last episode [CENSORED] doesn’t have a job.

Sarah: Now, [CENSORED] did inherit a small fortune, but…

Alena: Do you think he brought it with him? They don’t have debit cards.

Sarah: Absolutely not. 

Alena: So… the healing properties of Kool-Aid. And you know it’s Kool-Aid because--

Sarah: Hair’s red. 

Alena: That’s where the Uzumaki’s get it.

Sarah: Hair dye.

Alena: Their symbol!! Their symbol, their symbol, their symbol! Is a red background with a swirl in it-- what do you have to do to make Kool-Aid? You have to stir it up!

Sarah: [gasp]

Alyssa: Okay, but consider. Consider.

Sarah: Okay.

Alena: I will consider nothing unless it is validating what I am saying to you. 

Sarah: Is it about Kool-Aid?

Alyssa: It’s off-brand Kool-Aid.

Alena: Now--

Alyssa: Called “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Kool-Aid” [laughing]

Sarah: Now Alyssa. Have you-- have you ever drank off-brand Kool-Aid?

Alyssa: Probably?

Alena: Do you think that it would heal anybody of anything?

All: [pause]

Sarah: Maybe, actually--

Alena: Maybe--

Sarah: I’ve had some pretty good off brand Kool-Aid, hold on-- 

Alyssa: [laughing]

Sarah: We’re attacking her for no reason, hold on, hold on hold on. She’s got a point. [laughing] I think that’s the other main moral of this podcast is that even if we try to deny it Alyssa’s usually got a point. 

Alena: [laughing] Alyssa’s usually got a point.

Sarah: Alyssa’s usually got a point, she’s honestly probably the most correct person on this podcast.

Alyssa: ... thank you?

Sarah: Yeah no. You’re really smart. And I love you, and…. [kisses directly on the microphone]

Alyssa: I’m gonna cry--

Sarah: [stops kissing the microphone] Don’t cry. Bitch. We got a podcast to make. There’s no crying in podcasting.

Alyssa: [cackling]

Alena: There’s no crying in podcasting.

Alyssa: I love you guys too.

Alena: So there is a genetic component to the Kool-Aid, because it's in-- Uzumaki red hair, the symbol is of Kool-Aid being stirred, it’s the whirlpool. Now… this begs the question; what is it about the other existing Uzumakis that has made this trait go away? Or, do they have inherent Kool-Aid powers that they have just not unlocked yet? 

Sarah: Okay, now, I’m going to propose to you two other characters that we have-- three other characters that we have to analyze in this context. We have Nagato. Pein/Nagato, who is also an Uzumaki. 

Alena: He is, yes, of course.

Sarah: He and Naruto are cousins. And then Naruto himself, and then of course Miss Kushina. There is one other character that-- I feel bad-- it is the lady, the First Hokage’s wife. I don’t remember her name right now. She is also in this equation, though I feel like there is not enough character information about her to include her in this wonderful little tapestry we’re weaving here.

Alena: There really isn’t, we can go on the big three that we--

Sarah: Yeah, the big three-- well we are bringing in, like, the young generation, so sadly I will leave Miss Kushina out, I will talk about Miss Kushina another day. But I would like to speak plainly upon-- goddammit, why can’t I get this out? Plainly upon Nagato, Karin, and Naruto, and how they relate to Kool-Aid. And I feel like this is a good group for talking about Kool-Aid. Naruto is a child who lived in poverty with no parental supervision, of course he drank a lot of Kool-Aid. 

Alena: He lived off mostly box mac-n-cheese, ramen, and Kool-Aid for the first 28 years of his life. 

Sarah: Oh yeah, absolutely, Hinata and him finally moved in together, and he was like--

Alena: Yeah the first time that he had a vegetable was when Hinata shared her lunch with him. 

Sarah: Exactly, like during him and Hinata’s honeymoon he woke up super early in the morning and made her breakfast, there was just a pot of hot Kool-Aid on the countertop.

Alena: [laughing]

Sarah: She had to go and stand in the hallway for a while. She briefly rethought her marriage. 

Alena: [laughing] All the way back, all the way back at the Hidden Leaf Village, the Aburame household, they get a phone call, Shino picks up the phone and you just here him go, “He did What?”

Sarah: [nuclear blast of cackling]

Alena: [laughing]

Sarah: Okay.. okay so this is Naruto's relation to Kool-Aid, it’s a family recipe. Kushina. Kushina also made hot Kool-Aid and made her husband drink it. And like, he drank it because he loved his wife. 

Alena: [laughing] Yeah, Naruto’s dad was never able to tell his very nice and pretty wife that you’re not supposed to make it that way.

Sarah: Now, Jiraiyah would also drink it and not say anything.

Alena: Yeah, Jiraiyah thought it was normal, but he’s a freak, so…

Sarah: [laughing] He’s a freak-- Okay, so how does Nagato plug in to hot Kool-Aid?

Alena: Okay, listen, listen listen…. Listen. 

Sarah: [laughing]

Alena: He had an IV hook up of pure Kool-Aid injection the entire time he was controlling Pein, that’s how he was able to do it.

Sarah: Oh my god, it’s all through the Kool-Aid 

Alena: It’s all through the Kool-Aid, man.

Sarah: Oh my god, we--

Alyssa: OH YEAH--

Alena: [laughing]

Sarah: What the fuck? Was that?

Alyssa: [laughing]

Alena: She did the “Oh Yeah!”

Sarah: [laughing] I didn’t-- I was so scared? I-- my headphones didn’t translate that, and I thought she was dying. Oh god help me.

Alyssa: I’m so sorry, I’ve been spacing out constantly throughout this whole episode, and I just heard the “Kool-Aid, man” and-- [laughing] 

Sarah: You’re totally fine, that was right on track, you’re hilarious.

Alyssa: [laughing]

Sarah: Hey… Hey guys? Where were we going with this? 

Alyssa: I dunno, like I said I’ve been spaced out--

Sarah: We’re giving proof--

Alena: The three-- the three kids, and how they each relate to Kool-Aid. Now-- so, what I’m seeing from this is that while all Uzumaki’s have inherent relation to Kool-Aid, they do not all have access to it’s inherent healing properties in the same way that Karin does. Because, well, Naruto has a more nostalgic relationship to it, and Nagato has a relationship to Kool-Aid that is…

Sarah: Dependent, I would say.  

Alena: It’s a dependency, and it’s sort of a dialysis situation

Sarah: Ohh my god “Kool-Aid Dialysis” is a really good name for a SKA band. 

Alena: Ohh my god you’re right.

Sarah: Somebody wright that shit down. Kool-Aid Dialysis.

Alena: Kool-Aid Dialysis. 

Sarah: That’s good.

Alena: But Karin’s is the only one-- she has purity of Kool-Aid within her that-- in which she is able to transfer it unto others. And I think that’s what really makes her stand out amongst the Uzumaki crowd. 

Sarah: It’s the purity of her Kool-Aid. 

Alena: It’s the purity of her Kool-Aid… you think it’s cherry or watermelon?

Sarah: Uhhhh. Fruit punch.

Alena: You’re right, it’s fruit punch, I’m a dumbass. 

Sarah: Wait, god it’s been a really long time since I drank Kool-Aid, and I drank a lot of off-brand Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid fruit punch is red, right? 

Alena: Oh yeah, yeah. It’s bright red. I would say that based on the hair color it’s most likely--

Sarah: Yeah, that shit stains, you can dye your hair with it! That’s why their hair’s red, they all dye their hair with Kool-Aid.

Alena: Exactly. And that’s why Naruto’s isn’t red. Because his mom never dyed it for him.  

Sarah: Yeah, his mom never dyed it for him, he was too young. When you’re a baby, when you’re a little baby Uzumaki-- what they’re supposed to do to you is they--

Alena: [laughing]

Sarah: Much like Achilles being dunked in the whatever the fuck-- what did they dunk Achilles in?

Alena: Kool-Aid.

Sarah: [CACKLE] Alright, sport.

Alena: On in ya go!

Sarah: much like Achilles being dipped in whatever the fuck he was dipped in, when you’re a baby Uzumaki they dip your head in the lil red Kool-Aid and leave you there for a while. 

Alena: Like a Southern baptism, just kinda lean ya back.

Sarah: Just kinda lean ya back, cover your nose, put your hands in a proper prayer stance and -- [imitates Baptismal noise]

Sarah & Alena: [laughing]

Sarah: Hey, I want you to know, we’ve reached the 30 minute mark on my recording bullshitting like this and I think we’re-- It extremely good

Alena: I like to imagine the whole family standing around and-- and listen, this is gonna sound stupid, but it is kind of a beautiful moment. Is that each Uzumaki clan member would come forth and empty one packet of-- [wheeze]

Sarah: Dude, that is such strong Kool-Aid.

 Alena: No but listen, it’s like in a bathtub, this is--

Sarah: Oh, okay-- you’re gonna need a lot, yeah.

Alena: This is a Baptist baptismal font, you each empty a packet into it. And then it’s like… by the whole family. You are protected. 

Sarah: By the whole family. You are protected. Shit.

Alena: In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit, may the Kool-Aid live within you, Naruto. 

Sarah: Naruto. Man, this made me sad. This would have been a beautiful moment-- what did you say??

Alena: [barely keeping it together] Naruto was never baptized…

Sarah: NARUTO WAS NEVER-- Okay, I’m sorry, this-- this isn’t like a-- this isn’t a protestant show. 

Alena: No-- [laughing]

Sarah: NOBODY IN NARUTO IS BAPTIZED WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Sarah & Alena: [laughing]

Sarah: Look-- listen-- at least five minutes of this recording is gonna be us laughing about our own jokes and it’s really bad [laughing]

Alyssa: Hey, is that’s not the case then what the fuck is the point of this podcast.   

Sarah: Yeah, exactly--

Alena: It’s fine, laughter’s contagious!

Sarah: Laughter is contagious. Ohh my god, hey guys, this was a great bit. I think we’ve sucked the uh…

Alena: We’ve gotta get off baptism in Naruto or I’m gonna get a rash.

 Sarah: We can’t talk about Baptist Naruto.

Alyssa: Uh, I think we’ve been at this for like 35--

Sarah: 36 minutes… yeah we have, I just reached the 36 minute mark.

Alyssa: Do we wanna start wrapping it up, or?

Alena: Yeah… yeah, we can start wrapping it up.

Sarah: Yeah. Oh my god.

Alena: So… Overall, the things that we’ve learned about Karin is that she’s one of our beloved ladies in Naruto who is unapologetically a mess. Within that, she is relatively quick to anger but I don’t really think that that anger is unjustified. 

Sarah: Oh yeah, no, she’s right. She’s absolutely right.

Alena: She is the Cookie Monster pajama pants energy that really comes through, and that anger comes from a place of self-assuredness--

Sarah: Yeah.

Alena: --that I think we should all be trying to attain more of in our lives. We have also learned that even within her given occupation as a healer she forges her own path in that, using a rather unconventional method. Which really, just… you know. 

Sarah: It’s special.

Alena: Chomp on down.

Sarah: Chomp on down!

Alena: And through that, of course, we’ve learned of the healing powers of Kool-Aid inherent within the Uzumaki clan. And I think after all of this discussion and tomfoolery, we’re able to see that Karin is someone who in a lot of ways deserved more, not only from her writing but also from her story in the sense that she’s had kind of a tough go of it. But… she’s fun!

Sarah: She’s fun! She’s very fun-- hey, can I slide in one last Karin fact before we wrap?

Alena: Please do!

Sarah: I can’t believe that we went through this entire episode without talking about how one of her abilities is her incredibly fine-tuned sense of smell.

Alena: Oh my god…

Sarah: Yeah. She likes perfume.

Alena: And she had to stand next to Suigetsu the whole time. 

Sarah: Yeah, it’s really bad! So--

Alena: You know that man smells like tuna salad--

Sarah: yeah, so like what we can draw from that is pour one out for Karin,  cause she’s been traveling with three teenage boys and has an exceedingly sensitive sense of smell.

Alena: Ohhh.

Sarah: I feel so bad for her.

Alena: That’s the big takeaway from this one yall, pour one out for Karin!

Sarah: She really deserves it.

Alena: Pour one out for Karin, because no one else is going to.

Sarah: No one else is going to, goddamn. Alright well, before we-- guys-- we ran out of team taka, because you know we’re not doin’ an episode about [CENSORED]

Alyssa: No!

Alena: Oh my god you’re right--

Sarah: Who are we talking about next week, fellas?

Alyssa: Ohhh how many episodes we got left, fellas?

Sarah: I don’t know. Who are we doin? Who are we doin? Somebody have a thought. Somebody have a thought, we have to close the podcast, cmon.

Alena: I’m summoning one, I’m summoning-- hey! You know who I mentioned… wait.

Sarah: Yeah, who’d you mention?

Alena: I know who I wanna do, Alyssa, you say yours--

Alyssa: No, go ahead, I don’t have any yet.

Alena: I wanna do Shino.

Alyssa: YES!

Sarah: SHINO. SHINO.Yeah, next time. Shino. I can’t FUCKING want to talk about Shino oh my GOD.

Alyssa: I love Shino!! Bug Boy Bug Boy!

Sarah: Yes! Alright folks, that’s it! Bug man bug man bug man. That’s it. It’s time.

Alena: Alright, join us next time, we talk about the bug boy.

Alyssa: Alright!

Alena: Alright.

Sarah: Have a good night WHOO--

End Message: Til Death Do Us Nart is a 103Ghouls Production podcast. It is created and produced by three women who are completely off their rocks. Theme song is “Drunk Punch Man” by Bullmoose. Find it and other songs by Bullmoose on spotify, iTunes, and Bandcamp. To support the show, consider donating to our Patreon which can be found in the show notes. If you can’t, believe me, we understand. Please consider subscribing to us on Youtube, sharing the link to the show, and above all, talking us up on social media. We really appreciate the support. Oh, and one more thing: Thanks for listening.

[Drunk Punch Man by Bullmoose plays]